After over 100 years of the power ping-ponging between various Bushes and Clintons, the steadily decreasing numbers of voters made it painfully evident that voting just didn’t work any longer. Well, at least not as a way of tapping into the spirit and views of ordinary folk on the street. In fact, all over the world people seemed to be so uninterested in voting, that even the bookies ceased to bet on the outcome of general elections. There was simply no money in it anymore. It was more profitable to bet on what colour would be in fashion next week or what famous people would date each other the day after tomorrow. Therefore, it was unanimously agreed that an alternative to voting needed to be found and a few hundred congress men were dragged kicking and screaming from nice, lush golf courses all over USA and ushered in to the congress building to do what they were supposed to do had they not been too busy playing golf; make and pass laws.

George Bush V had spent the better part of the afternoon arguing that it would be best to make his dad, George Bush IV, emperor, since he had shown great promise as a frat brother at Soda Cola University in Sodatown in his youth. “After all,” he said. “There never was an American president that could make a bong out of a honey bear as fast as he could.” However, Lola Clinton, mostly famous for her outrageous striptease acts in New Las Vegas and for being the moral pillar of the Clinton clan, objected claiming “That’s nothing. My great, great, grandfather could get high without even inhaling.” There was a lot of thoughtful nodding in the room and that was the end of that. The Bushes hope of placing the crown on their own heads, as Napoleon once did, was forever sunk as quickly as a traitor with brand new cement shoes.

There was some commotion in the room as people tried to figure out how to deal with the fact that people were too lazy to elect them. They didn’t particularly worry about minor things like democracy, no-one had for many, many years, and besides, they were all too worried about losing their jobs. What happens to the elected, if no-one wants to elect them? “But what should we do?!” cried a senator from Alabama, who not only had a wife and two kids to support, but also a very high maintenance mother-in-law to keep happy.

Then, a pale, skinny figure stepped out of a dark corner at the very back of the congress, where he had been lurking, biding his time. No-one noticed him until he cleared his throat and walked awkwardly up to the front. He looked out over the auditorium at the terrified faces, desperate to find a savior. This was the moment he had been waiting for.

“Maybe,” he said. “Maybe we should go corporate.” People turned around and stared at him. He was the kind of person they had made fun of in school, so why should they listen to him now? And what the hell did he mean? “You all know that the pay is much better in the corporate world.” He knew how to get their attention. They pricked up their ears. “People vote every day when they go to the store,” he continued. “When they buy a Soda Cola to quench their thirst, they vote Soda Cola.” People looked at each other confused. “Every day, when they step into their CM hover car, they vote CM.” He was careful not to point out the fact that when people logged in to their computers and used Megasmooth’s software, they also voted Megasmooth. That would have been too obvious.

Willie Gates VII felt pride welling up inside him as he spoke. He wished his great, great grandfather could have seen him. In fact, he could have seen him, despite being 153 years old with failing eye-sight, had it not been for the annoying bug in Megasmooth’s very own software that had screwed up the upgrading of the TV-link he had had plugged straight into his visual cortex. Until the bug was fixed, old Billy Gates III was doomed to watch old re-runs of Jerry Springer on the Golden Oldies Channel.

“What do you mean?” exclaimed the upset Alabama senator.

Willie Gates VII, looked at him, and asked: “What is the single, biggest problem in the relationship between people and politicians?”

The Alabama senator looked blank for a moment, and then said: “That they don’t do what we tell them to do?” Willie Gates VII shook his head.

“That they insist on digging into our affairs?” suggested a senator from Florida whose affair with his virtual tennis coach had just been exposed nationwide.

Willie Gates VII started to get impatient. “No!”

“That they don’t like us?”

“You’re getting warmer, but no.” Willie Gates VII regretted ever asking them the question. He should have known that they could not be trusted to give a reasonably good answer.

The auditorium fell silent.

“But really … Think!”

People either stared blankly out into space or seemed to get a sudden interest in looking at their shoes. No-one seemed capable of coming up with an answer. Willie Gates VII finally gave up.
“THEY DON’T TRUST YOU!” he screamed so loud his voice broke in that annoying way that it only does for people who use plastic penholders to protect their shirt pockets. People nodded and a low mumbling spread across the room as they said things like “I knew that all along” and “Why should they?” to each other.

Willie Gates VII was just about to ask them yet another question, but stopped himself and rephrased it into a statement. “But they do trust corporations.” He gave the auditorium a few seconds to let this sink in, and then he continued: “They do trust Soda Cola to quench their thirst. They do trust CM to transport them safely to work. Every day, they chose to put every aspect of their lives in the hands of corporations. When was the last time they willingly agreed to put their life in the hands of politicians?” Again, he was met with a blank stare from the auditorium. He sighed. Mental note: Do not EVER ask a politician a question! he silently filed in a folder called “Lifesavers” in Megasmooth’s new and groundbreaking software called Egghead3000, that he had had installed in his brain to upgrade his hippocampus.

Egghead3000 was a wonderful little piece of bug-ridden code still in BETA-version and needing some tweaking. Lately, he had started to notice that he was starting to have some problems with separating long-term memories that were actually his own and long-term memories of films, historical events and other things he had just heard of. It was no major thing. It had just been a bit, well … awkward when he suddenly found himself addressing his board “My Lords and peacocks” the week before; only to moments later realize that that was something that George III used to say. (George III of England, mind you, not George Bush III, even if it most certainly wouldn’t have raised many eyebrows if he had. He was after all the founding father of OMSCI, Oil Magnates Supporting Cultural Indifference.)

“But corporations can’t run the country,” said senator Bodstrom from Minnesota. “Politics shouldn’t be tainted by corporate interests.”

“Exactly! Corporate interests should not be tainted by politics,” said his business partner Ash. He was a little bit extra testy, as their latest joint venture had folded as a result of a political decision. The congress had, despite Bodstrom’s fierce opposition, decided to place the brand new congressional 3-D golf course on the very site where Ash & Bodstrom had their developing plant.

“Yes, just like I said!” said senator Bodstrom.

“But certainly a company like CM, that have spent years and billions of dollars researching hover cars and ground- and airways, is much better equipped to make decisions about traffic than you are,” said Willie Gates VII. “And doesn’t Soda Cola know way more about the body’s need for fluids and nutrition, than you do?” Again, the question was met by a blank stare, but Willie Gates VII was on a roll, so he didn’t let it get to him and cancelled the warning message that Egghead sent him. “Wouldn’t it be better to hand over the power to corporations that know what they’re doing?” In his head, Egghead sent him another warning message that he quickly cancelled.

“But what about democracy and integrity?” someone shouted. A few scattered chuckles were heard around the room.

“But people happily vote for corporations every day, by buying and using their products. They don’t even have the energy to vote for you every forth year!” said Willie Gates VII. “I say, let the company with the biggest sales figures in their field, make all the decisions concerning it. Surely, the sheer size and success of the company is proof that they have both the knowledge and the people’s loyal support to rule wisely.”

He was now looking out over smiling faces. It seemed he had gotten through to them. “And after all, hasn’t this country always relied firmly on our belief in the division of power?” This time Egghead sent out a flashing, red warning message even before the smiling faces had had the time to turn into blank stares. Willie Gates VII decided to exit Egghead for a moment, but when he tried to do that, he just got another message: Not responding. He really needed to talk to the programmers. Megasmooth had decreed that the bug ratio per 1000 lines of code should never be higher than 49,9%. After all, they did have a reputation to maintain.

“But what about our jobs?” The senator from Alabama couldn’t help revealing his economic concerns. He was simply more scared of his mother-in-law, than of public ridicule. Willie Gates VII regarded him as the human version of a software bug.

“If you hand the power over to corporations, they need to recruit people who know what they don’t: the political dynamics of ruling. You would basically do the same thing as you do now, but with the perk of getting corporate pay instead of the crappy government pay you have now.”
It was as if a spark of hope had suddenly ignited the room and an explosion of cheering and roaring, happy laughter filled it. Willie Gates VII smiled. The first step of his plan had worked out exactly as he had planned.

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